I like several things

the sun on a cold day
the smell of my house
the pastry bit on cheesecakes
the night sky with no artificial lighting
the city, the life
the country, the natural
the colours of the rainbow
the joy when I make others smile
the idea of mini coopers
the feeling of hot water running down your throat
the taste of peanut butter sandwiches
the sound of crinkling plastic sleeves
the clicking of cameras
the smell of burning candles (like, actually)
the fulfilment when you do a good deed
the thought of freedom
the dreaming of a good night's sleep
the lyrics to real songs
etc


you click ENTRIES by the way
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“Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.”

today's topic
INSTINCTS

they're there for a reason.
they're there to help you.
but I never seem to learn from my mistakes, and I never seem to listen to my instincts.

thank you instincts for trying to be there for me, trying to help me make decisions, trying to guide me in the right direction.
if I had just been smarter, maybe I wouldn't be in the mess I am now.

- I can't fall asleep
- I can't concentrate on 4u (then again I never can)
- I can't pretend to be fine with it all

thank you instincts for trying. thank you instincts for trying. for trying.

will it be okay tomorrow?
I just want it to be okay. I want to close my eyes, and I want it to be okay.

------------

many times I've wanted to run away, I did once, it felt good at the time.

11pm the sky was close to black. I remember. I was running, and it was cold, but I was crying and I was concentrating on the stars which kind of looked like UFOs because everything was so blurry. I wasn't wearing any shoes, so my feet kind of hurt on the asphalt of our street, and I was wearing shorts and a tee so I was really cold, and I just kept looking ahead. I didn't know where I was going. it was scary I didn't want to run too far, but I didn't want to stay too close. I was scared I'd get raped, so I ran really really fast. I was running out of breath sure, but I was running away. life, death everything and nothing was the same that moment. I've still got those bruises and scars on my arm, those wounds I inflicted on myself. I'm a terrible person, and I'm a sinner. weak, mental, anonymous

(you don't know me)

instincts, thank you for trying. for trying. for trying.

should I run away again. physically, emotionally, spiritually? either one? it's thrilling, sensational, a bad thing I know. but sometimes we seek to be bad. we seek to do wrong. hell I want to drink myself silly after HSC. I want to drink for the purpose of getting drunk. hell that's messed up. fuck it I'm human.

instincts, thank you for trying.

I need you.

because sometimes it feels as though no one else is there.

we all need someone there.

can you hear me?

Labels: emotional, epiphany